Saying goodbye is hard.

I consider myself a very lucky person.  I still have 3 living grandparents I have been able to know all of my great grandparents on some level, even if it was not for a long time.  With saying that I am very sad to have to lay my last living grand parent to rest.  Last night my great grandmother passed away, like I said I am very lucky to have had her in my life until my mid 20's.  The picture above is Michael and I at Christmas this year with her, I am going to miss that.  Unfortunately I don't know much about my great grandmother, but I do know that she was a caring woman, she raised 7 children, owned cafe, and was a politicians wife.  My great grandfather was the Justice of the Peace for Kyle for many years.  I know that my great grandma holt was the "kissing bandit" because she would like to give everyone kisses when they came around.  I warned Michael about it when we first starting dating, and he lovingly always gave her several kisses when we were around her.  Also I know that she very much enjoyed the company of Michael's grandmother that we brought around to family gatherings.  They were close in age and would sit together and gaggle like little school girls.  If makes me happy knowing that I was able to give her a friend to talk to even for a short time, I am going to be sad when I have to tell Michael's grandmother.

Last night on the way to the hospital to see my family Michael was recounting a memory that he has of Great Grandma Holt and I think he needs to be shared.  He said at either this Christmas or her birthday he walked in to give her a hug and kiss and she kissed him on one cheek, well he jokingly told her to even it out and kiss him on the other cheek.  Of course Grandma agreed after all she loved her kisses.  Later on that evening when we were leaving Michael went back to tell Grandma bye and she kissed him on the cheek, well he teased her again that she needed to even it out.  Grandma told him he was greedy and Michael said she had to help him out he would be walking lopsided if she didn't kiss him on the other cheek, well Grandma gave him another kiss (we all know that she would).  Laughingly Michael told her he bet he could get another one, and sure enough the "Kissing Bandit" puckered up and gave Michael a big kiss on his cheek.  So my husband got 5 kisses from Grandma that night, I think it might be a record who knows.  I laughed and told Michael between Grandma Holt's kisses and Ashlyn telling me Michael was going to marry her I'm a lucky woman that he even married me.  I mean I had some hard competition.  I am going to miss walking in to wherever Grandma was and the first thing that you do is go and give her a kiss.  Those small moments are something that I am going to cherish, and feel so lucky to have had for as long as I did.

It was very strange last night going to the hospital, I kept telling myself I was going to go in and give Grandma a hug and kiss and everything was going to be okay, but sadly that was not the case.  However I was and we are all very lucky to have such a large family and last night I think how we all were is how Grandma would have wanted it.  The family that was able to all went over to her house and we just sat and talked and laughed, and cried.  I believe that is how Grandma wants us to be she wants us to mourn the loss of such a loving woman, but remember all the sweet memories that we have with her, and to share that as a family and to laugh together and love together.

I am very sad to have lost my great grandmother but I know that she lived a fullfilled life and I know that we are so very lucky to have had her with us as long as we did.  I am sure that she is enjoying being with her husband and other family and friends again.  I'm sad that my future children will not have gotten to know their Great Great Grandmother, but I am also fortunate that we have such a young family that they will get to know their Great great aunts and uncles, their great aunts and uncles, their massive amounts of cousins, their great grandparents and their grandparents.  Thank you Great Grandma Holt for the memories, we love you and will miss you.

Euros, fiction writing, contracts!!

More House:

Wow another week down, its getting closer to the construction of the house getting built. Hopefully this weekend we will get to actually go pick out everything we need. We did start looking up appliances and it seems that our kitchen will have stainless steal, but we have decided that we will spend a bulk of our money in the kitchen in the beginning. So there haven't been any major changes in the house progress.

Fiction Writing:

Those that are closest to me and know that I have always fancied myself a writer knows that the past few years have been a struggle for me to come up with ideas, to pursue ideas and to feel confident in sharing my writings. I haven't really felt like I could do it again, but I have been checking out Craig's list adds and found an e-magazine I am thinking about submitting to, it is all very exciting. It has been a long struggle to feel like I can write creatively again but I'm hoping that because of the place I'm in at this point in my life will help with that.

I have decided that I am going to try to write a bit every day, not to pressure myself but to keep up the thoughts. There are a select few I will share my rough drafts with, mainly writing friends. More than likely I will write under a pseudonym so if and when I start getting any publishing's I will keep those that want posted. Be warned that my writing style vary from romance, to gritty crime so if it is not your cup of tea I completely understand. So if anyone has any ideas or thoughts let me know. Wish me luck!

I don't have much more to write tonight nothing is really exciting other than Michael has counted up his Euros and showed me what each coin looks like (I feigned interest), but I'm sure he knows that. Well I guess it is time to be off to bed.

Like I said those that I want to read my drafts or those that are interested let me know all I ask is understand that these are thoughts of my imagination it is not how I may or may not truly feel but it is just something to be entertaining.

Good night all

Broken toes, houses built to order, and sniffling colds.

Wow what a grand few weeks we have had. Work slowed a bit but has picked back up. I joined Relay for Life in Cedar Park/Leander and it has been great, I am really looking forward to this year. Everything was smooth sailing and then universe decided that we were doing to good so it was time to throw us a curve ball, or 3 but still we are thankful.

The attack of sniffling cold, crazy yoga stretches, Elm trees, and coffee tables:

The first icky thing was my allergies got so bad that I have to stay home from work and go to the doctor, they gave me steroids that helped so much. It seemed like 2 weeks later Michael was sick so he went to the doctor feeling bad, they told him it was just a virus. Well for the next few weeks it seemed like he could not feel better. In that time I was doing silly yoga and hurt my back and that kept me home from work for a week. Just as that started getting better Michael had to go back to the doctor, and was told he had an upper respiratory infection, and had probably had one for awhile. Well that night when he was coming home I had double bolted the door. In a haste to get up and open it for him the coffee table viciously attacked me, and a slew of cuss words came out (sorry about that neighbors). Well I thought I had just stubbed my toe but NO that would be to typical. I had to go visit the doctor (at the same after hours clinic that Michael went to none the less) and got x-rayed. Fortunately I didn't do to much damage but I did break the upper part of my pinky toe, it was bad enough that they had to put me in a walking (moon) boot. See picture above. Now that things are calming down I have been attacked by the sniffles so cold medicine it is, I guess the only good thing is that Michael is out of town so we can't pass the yuckiness back and forth. Now on to the next adventure.

Houses, earnest money, down payments, and more:

On March 3, 2012 Michael and I went looking for houses. At the time we were just looking and not set on buying. We had been looking on-line and settled on about 15 houses we wanted to look at, all resales. That day we looked at a few houses and just didn't love the house or the location. Our Realtor (Bless her heart) had surgery before this day so she sent a replacement in. Nancy was kind enough to bare with our "House Hunting Virginity" and indecisiveness. Nancy decided to show us a BRAND NEW neighborhood that was doing Built to Order homes. The builder was KB Homes and I will be honest I wasn't thrilled at first (heard good and bad things). But the homes were in our price range so why not. We came to the offices and the model homes were amazing (but then again they always are). We looked about at the homes and floor plans, and heard all of the pitches. There were some really good things that caught our attention, brand new, warranty and 4 sided masonry (that means bricks or stone on all four sides). We thought about it but left not thinking we were going to be doing anything. So we went got gas, talked and asked each other could we walk away from this and made the decision that we could not. So we drove back to "Crystal Crossing" and discussed numbers and money. We had at this point been prequalified for a good loan amount and it would cover the house. So we decided to do it, shaking hands and all we signed the buyer agreement to put money down (earnest money) to take our plot off the market. The plot is in a cul-de-sac, and the neighborhood has a turn about so that will minimize the amount of traffic through there. After that we went to the "studio" to get some information about what we wanted to upgrade.

Right now where we stand is getting paperwork in for our loan authorization, going to the studio to do our first picks for the inside and outside of the house. We will then get our final loan number and get that authorized. Construction will start, and every week we can see our new home. This is a breath taking experience and amazing.

I have to say that where we are at is a dream come true to me. As cliche as it sounds I can not imagine anything more--except maybe kids now that we have this big new house :). I have to say where I am today is because of my family...love you all. I will keep everyone updated on the progress. But we are very excited about our new home. The picture up top is our lot with a side view of the neighbors home.

2012

First it has been a long time since I have posted. A few updates at first, I have gotten settled in the job at the American Cancer Society (ACS). I have had a full case load for a little over a month now. Some of the cases are a struggle for me, and some days personally the job is a struggle because I think about Jessica a lot. I know though that losing her is one of the things that has driven me to do this job and do it well. I enjoy the job and am looking forward to what the New Year holds for me at the job.

Michael and I have moved into our new apartment and we absolutely love it. One of the things that I love the most is that there is a separation of rooms, I can be sitting on the couch reading my book or watching TV and Michael can be playing his game or working in the “office”. Part of me feels like such a yuppie to say we have an “office”, but it has been a blessing. We are going to be here for at least 14 months maybe longer, but we are definitely going to start buckling down and looking at what it is going to take to buy a home.

I have very excited about what 2012 has in store for us, and because of that I have made resolutions on how I am going to live in 2012. This past year has been a whirlwind for Michael and I, especially for myself. We moved into to 2 new places, we got married, I changed jobs, Michael got a promotion, and we have learned to grow and struggle through financial strain, stress and the never ending on-call that his job requires. I feel that as a couple we have done very well and have grown together.

I also feel that 2011 was the healthiest emotionally and mentally that I have ever been. I know that I have taken care of myself in ways that I neglected when I was in college. I have learned that I need to strive to be the best for myself and to be the best wife that I can be to my husband. That means that I have had to learn to stop, slow down and realize that I can’t do everything myself. I have learned to lean on Michael in hard times, and have learned to allow him to be my rock and my protector. I hope that 2012 I can continue to grow, and strive to continue being a better wife for my husband.

I have made the regular resolution that I have going to start taking care of my physical health more. I started this resolution shortly before the Holiday season started, but I am planning to continue it even more. Over the summer because of the nature of my working schedule and just how I felt about myself I really neglected my body physically and I engrossed myself in poor eating, drinking and sleeping habits. Before my wedding I had dropped a significant amount of weight and I was taking care of myself, but shortly after that I just quit caring. Once I started the job at ACS I became determined that I was going to start treating my body better, because it is true what they say you only get one body. I know that in the future Michael and I are going to start a family so I want to be as healthy as I can be to start that process and be healthy for my future children so that I can be the best mother to them I can be. I have started eating so much healthier and have drastically reduced the amount of meat I consume, I now flatter myself a vegetarian but there are times that I still like a bite of some sort of meat. I have changed my diet to where I consume protein in other forms and I have really begun to eat more vegetables and fruits. This has been a lifestyle change for Michael as well, because I have started to cook more meals without meat. I do however still cook some meals where I just pick the meat out because Michael likes it.

I have also made a resolution to take care of our money and finances better. This year we are going to seriously start looking into buying a house and starting that process. Since I finally have a job with a decent salary that is not requiring me to spend half my pay check on gas, we have been able to save. We have agreed that this year we are going to put money in savings to spend on a house, and we have both decided that we are going to up our retirement because we know that is going to be something essential to us. We know that if we save know then in the future we will have less worry and grief.

I am thrilled to see what 2012 holds for myself, my marriage, my job and for my family. I know that as this year passes we will grow, we will learn and we will have so much fun doing it. So here is to all Happy New Year and let us make 2012 the best year we have had so far.

Reminder of being positive

Recently I posted my story pertaining to the Occupy Wall Street/ We are the 99%. Through a spirited and hopefully friendly debate I have been reminded of somethings and also have been able to evaluate my feelings.

First of all I have been reminded that no matter how hard the struggles have been for me and those close to me there is always the positive. I have noticed that in most of the 99% stories the posters are forgetting to acknowledge the positive that they have going on. For example my dear cousin Amy pointed out that those posting might seem better to connect to if they would post something such as "Lost my job, have medical debt but at least I am able to live healthy because of the treatment I received" or "Lost my job and am struggling but because I am unemployed I am able to spend time with my family more" these are just examples of how she would have liked to see the stories. I have to say that I agree with her. I am not going to repost my stories (you can read them in the last blog post if you like). I am going to state that I do have much to be thankful for even through the struggles. Because of my husbands employer I was able to receive health insurance, although not covering mental health I was lucky enough to have a medical pay card to help with those expenses. Also I have a doctor who is very kind and allows me a break in cost. Also even though the position was not something I was happy with I was able to find employment to help with bills. Michael and I never really had to give up any luxuries but we always knew that if we did it would only make us stronger in the end. We faced struggles as newlyweds but those have made us a stronger couple and have laid the ground work of how we will manage if bigger hardships come our way. I want to thank my cousin for reminding me that it is not always bad that there is still good in the bad.

On a second note another cousin of mine (who happens to be Amy's husband) reminded me and through debate encourged me to evaluate the attitude of majority of the 99%. After thinking about this and removing myself from the initial emotion I can see the entitlement attitude of many of the protesters/ 99%ers. Many of them want to "whine" about their hardships and want the government to change it for them without taking responsibility. I know that there are others stories of those that are struggling, and taking responsibility for their circumstances. I only wish that more of those stories would be shared because I think those are the examples that we need to see. There are many government programs that need to be evaluated to help stop the cycle of dependence on others for your well being. There are also other programs that probably need more funding, or at least the funding they should be getting. I think that veterans funding, and that for our elderly and disabled need to be looked at so that those who really need it are helped. It seems that there are more and more people who could and are able to do for themselves are depending on aide, and those that can't are to proud or unable to get aide. Again I would like to thank my cousin for pointing this out and having that discussion with me.

On one final note, and this one is a bit political and very opinionated. I believe that there needs to be a change in the political voting system that we have. It seems that the parties have become so polarized that there is not middle ground and in the end the American people are suffering. I wish that there were at least 3 more parties. One of those being people that are moderately economically conservative and socially liberal and those that are moderately socially liberal and economically conservative, and finally those that are moderate on social and economic issues. I feel that I am moderate on some social issues and moderate on some economic issues. Due to the 2 party system I tend to choose the liberal party because there tend to be more ideals that I agree with, I won't go into that here because I do not want to stir further debate or offend anyone. I am also moderate on economic policy because I feel that there are parts of the government that are way to overly funded but other parts that could stand to have more funding, or at least not have their funding taken away.

Again I am thankful to have family members that are open to opinions and respect those opinions of others. I wish that there were more people like that. I hope that those young and old will stand in 2012 to vote for change, I would hope that both parties would make an attempt to be more moderate so that someone can vote on a wider range of issues.

On that note I am signing off feeling more educated and well informed. Also I feeling very thankful for what I have.

We are the 99%!!!

Recently there has been a movement started by many people who are fed up with what is currently going on in our country. Everyone knows about the great bail-out that was given to big businesses and banks so that they could continue to work. However rather than taking that lowering their CEO and higher ups salaries they used that money to line their pockets and pay for extravagant items. This 1% has lived and thrived off the averages American’s backs while the average Americans are losing their jobs, homes and hopes to have a better or just meager life. People that were fed up with this decided to storm Wall-Street and protest what has happened, to add insult to injury Bank of American decided that they are going to charge their customers to use their own money by charging for a debit card. All the while the banks are lining their pockets. Now back to the protest. Hundreds and even thousands of people have protested Wall-Street demanding a change, they have deemed themselves the 99%. This movement has resonated with many Americans and those around the world. There have been other Occupy protests around American and the world. There was even an Occupy Austin. I have been looking at the testimonies of the 99% and I feel that I need to share my story and the story of those that I care about.

MY STORY:

I was told to go to college and earn a degree so that I can get a good job. I am very thankful that I was able to go to college, and manage to graduate and pay for it. I graduated with a substantial amount of student loan debt yet not even that much compared to others. I was also able to get a job right out of school that paid decent. The job that I had was difficult; I was using my own vehicle to travel from client’s house to client’s house. The gas bill and wear and tear I was accruing on my car became much more than Michael and I could afford. I was paying nearly $500-$600 a month in gas as well as getting an oil change every 6 weeks. I was only getting reimbursed for about $225 at most a month. I was also becoming much stressed out and sick from the job. I had a moment of stress that I knew if it continued was going to put me in the hospital if not taken care of. Michael and I discussed it and we came to the decision that my health was more important than the little money I was bringing in. We added up the expenses and were able to get by for a little while. For a little while I was without insurance and was forced to pay for my medical stuff out of pocket. Luckily I was able to get on Michael’s insurance and my premiums were paid for. However mental health coverage was not offered so I am still paying out of pocket for that. We have a medical pay card but I have already used over $1000 of it. We also had savings that we were going to use for our honeymoon but we ended up living off that. Once that money was used I needed to get a job, although I was applying to several jobs at the time. I finally got a job at Target as a cashier, something that was very demeaning. After about 2 months at the job and a discussion with management about trying to move up I began to be treated horribly and finally told that my job was temporary and I there was going to be layoffs soon. At the time I had applied for a career job at the American Cancer Society (ASC), but I scrambled to get a job at Victoria Secret. At that time I had to have my wisdom teeth out with caused me to be out of that job for a week and a half. I was also offered the job at the ASC (which is such a blessing). Because of my surgery I was unable to complete my two weeks, and Victoria Secret also did not want to work with me on only having to work weekends. The past month has been hard and we barely got by. Luckily we were able to get some help from family. On October 3 I began my new job at the ASC. I will be making a decent salary and will finally be able to start making payments on both of my student loans, and also began paying off some of our credit card debt. Michael works a good job that is fortunately giving him training that will help him advance at his career. We will be able to pay off our credit card debt and create a buffer for ourselves. We are able to afford right now to put money into retirement as well. We can also afford to do something fun about 2 times a month. Buying groceries is a struggle and we have to compromise and the quality food we get sometimes. We are only able to afford a little bit of fresh produce. I try to cook as healthy for us as I can. I feel that we are blessed right now. I do worry about our future because in a year or so we would love to start a family and have a home. I am not sure if we will be able to that for a while. Even with everything that we have we still struggle to get by and we are learning how to love each other and grow as a newlywed couple with money woes. I hope that we continue to strive, but we are still the 99%.

MY FAMILY’S STORY:

My grandparents did the right thing and saved up for their retirement. But my grandfather got sick and the medical bills began to pile up. Luckily he was able to get a bit in unemployment and finally they are both on their allotted social security. They have health care through medicare but they also pay for private premiums as well. My grandma has put off some of her medical stuff because of money. Both of them work part time to have extra income, but they can only work a certain amount and it still is barely enough to get by. They are lucky by most standards right now but they are still the 99%.

My parents both have good jobs, but my dad has to work two jobs for them to have what they have. My dad needs a new truck but they are not able to get it. My mom had to get a new vehicle but her warranty doesn’t cover everything. I know my mother would love to work closer to her home but she has great benefits and pay at the University. She has to drive nearly an hour and 45+ miles a day to get there. My sister plays select soccer but worries about the cost. That is something a young child should not have to worry about. My parents struggle but still compared to most they have a lot. Even with what they have they are the 99%.

I know that most everyone in my family struggles for what little they have. They have all paid taxes to bail-out Wall Street. It is not fair that this is happening to those that I love and to many Americans. Something needs to change, and I hope that it does.

My family, my friends, and my husband and I are the 99%.

This was a very long blog post but I feel that it needed to be said. I hope that telling my story will help others get involved and change the way things are going.

A new job, home and a world with more birthdays.

I have finished my first week at the American Cancer society. I think that I am going to really enjoy my job and everything that it entails. I have a few more days of training and then I will begin mentoring, which will mean I am going to learn how to actually interact with constituents. I am looking forward to mentoring because the person I am going to work with is very funny and upbeat. I am also excited that I have my own desk and am able to decorate it. I think that the position will be great for me.

On another great note I was able to spend some time with a dear friend of mine. She was recently re-diagnosed with cancer. This past weekend I was able to go visit her and go to lunch and shopping. I am also going to be able to connect her to resources because of what my new job is. I am worried for her, and sad that I have to have another friend with cancer but I am optimistic and also allowing her to speak about it as she needs. I look forward to spending more time with her.

Michael and I also signed a new lease at a bigger apartment; we will finally have a second bedroom and bathroom. Our move in date is a few days before we have to be out of this place so it will all work out.